Question by ¢αѕѕαη∂яα ♥: Beginning of first chapter for my novel. Criticism? Opinions?
I sat high on a cushioned stool, tapping my fingers against the cold, hard granite countertop of the greeting table. My head rested upon my palm as my eyes explored around the room. I checked on the clock every now and again. It seemed like time was moving incredibly slowly and painfully. Every minute I was driving deeper and deeper into what seemed to be endless boredom. I stared at the wall where the clock hung. I couldn’t believe I had been at work for five hours and hardly anyone had come to dine. There were only two parties eating at our restaurant at that moment. While all of my other co-workers were lazing away in the cozy employee’s lounge, I had to fill in for the hostess who was late again. I sighed deeply hoping that either the hostess would walk through that door or some people would, so that I could do my job. The slow days were the worst.
Suddenly, I had a great craving for some chocolate crepes. My stomach growled. I couldn’t remember the last time I had them here. They were the best and with my employee’s discount, I always got them half-off. Nothing tastes better than a break from work and half-off chocolate crepes. Mmm. I couldn’t wait until my lunch break. Realizing that it was only twenty minutes away, I smiled to myself.
Without warning, some customers walked in through the French doors. I immediately snapped out of my thoughts. The cutest elderly couple I had ever seen approached me with beaming faces. “Two?” I asked them, putting on my sweet, waitressy grin.
“Yes,” the man replied in a humble tone, and then grabbed his wife’s hand.
Aww, I thought to myself.
I slid two menus from a shelf in the table and curled them into my arms. “Right this way,” I told them. I picked out the best table in the place for them to sit. It was right beside a window with the perfect view. Our restaurant was situated right next to the beautiful park. At that angle, they would be able to see the amazing, gleaming lake.
“Oh, this is lovely. Thank you,” the woman gasped as they sat themselves down.
“You’re welcome, madam,” I said as I placed down their menus in front of them. “You’re waiter will be with you shortly.”
I walked to the lounge and knocked my hand against the door upon my arrival. A few of the faces turned up to look, but the others were buried into something else. I spotted Jack, reclining in a cyan chair, sleeping deeply. I had seated the couple at one of his tables.
“Hey, Jack!” He didn’t stir. “Jack!” I said as I punched him jokingly in the shoulder. “Wake up, lazy. Table 7. A couple. Serve them.”
He opened his eyes and reluctantly pushed himself up, stretching out his arms with an exaggerated sigh. He punched me back like I had just done to him and gave me a glare. “Thanks for putting them at one of my tables.”
I smirked. “You are very welcome.”
Jack’s name suited him well. If you ever asked me describe him in one word, without a hesitation, I would say: jackass. Two words: unnecessary jackass. Three words: half-witted, unnecessary jackass. It was impossible to hold an intelligent conversation with him. If you were a girl, he would spend the time staring at your breasts (and I mean ANY girl) and if you were a guy, he would find some way to insult you or some way to change the conversation to “chicks”. He was so irritating; never respectful to anyone he met. For some unknown reason, my best friend Tori “fell” for him. She claimed that under it all, he was a really sweet and understanding guy. I don’t believe it one bit. I know that he was just as shallow as he appeared. Tori is such a good girl and I know he was just using her. She always saw the best in everyone, even the worst people. I knew that in the end, he would break her heart; I just didn’t want it to happen. I wouldn’t be able to count the amount of times I begged her to end her relationship with him.
Tori and I lived together in a quaint house just outside of town. It had two floors. The bottom was hers, and the top mine. I remember being so worried that I wouldn’t like my housemate. That wasn’t the case at all. She was adorable and probably the most caring girl I had ever known. Her look was so much like her personality. She always dressed in bright, sunny colors, her brunette hair in the cutest bob and her brown eyes always bright and aware. She was like the opposite of me, but we never had any problems. I couldn’t remember fighting with her once the whole year I knew her. I loved her. She was like a sister to me. We knew anything and everything about each other.
She was on vacation for about two weeks in Hawaii. I missed her terribly, but she was coming back in a couple of days. It was so lonely at home and at work without her. She was practically my only really good friend there.
I came back to my position again and noticed that the hostess had finally arrived. She was flirting with a guy at the table, about to seat him. He was fairly attractive with dark, short, curly brunette hair. He also towered over her. Clea
Clearly a few inches above six feet when the hostess only reached his shoulders. I also knew that he was way too old for her. She was still in high school and he must’ve been in his early twenties. I watched as she pulled a menu from the shelf nonchalantly and asked with a flirtatious voice, “Will anyone else be joining you?”
The guy laughed and rubbed his neck. “Uh, no. Actually, I work here.” Was that an accent I heard? “This is my first day.” Definitely an English accent. I had never even met another person in my life that had one.
I approached them, about to thank the girl for finally showing up, but I was interrupted by him. He turned to me. “Uh, do you think one of you can show me to the manager, uh, Mister Lombardi?”
“I can,” I blurted out, without thinking. The girl gave me an evil look as if I had beaten her to it. I turned to her. “Uh, thanks,” I shrugged, trying to read her nametag. I never had good eyesight. “Uh, Lynn for finally showing up.”
“You’re welcome,” she scowled.
Ugh. Why doesn’t it show indentation?

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Anyway, thanks in advance!

Best answer:

Answer by stixy_stixy
I didn’t read it all. It is pretty good, though! There are some redundant words in there, but with some editing that could all be corrected. Good luck!

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